Your Child will Engage in an Intimate Relationship, It's Not a Question of If, But When?

“I have a question for you all as a parent who is trying to educate your children and teens. I'm curious if you have any tips or advice on how to talk with your children about relationships with opposite gender before its too late, and what to do when they' are already intimately engaged?”.

“My daughter is 16 years old, and she is intimately active with her boyfriend who is 21 years old. We have been having this conversation for the past two years now, but it seems like we haven't gotten anywhere yet. When I ask her what she thinks about losing her virginity at 16 years old, she says it's okay because she'll be ready for it after high school. That doesn't really make sense to me because there are so many things we need to teach our children about intimate relationships before that age... like how bad it can hurt down there if you don't use protection! How if someone forces you into doing something you don't want to do intimately (like kissing), then that counts as rape! And then there are Sexually Transmitted Diseases—are they going to get infected? What if they're pregnant? This stuff just doesn't make sense when thinking about it logically—”.

Many parents battle with such  concerns as they watch their children approach teenage, coupled with the reality of what is happening in our society today...................

Source: Pinterest

As a parent, it can be difficult to know when your child will lose their innocence. However, there are many stages of development that can help you determine what is going on in your child's life. The age at which children may engage intimately with the partner has been debated in the media, with many sources saying that 18 is the perfect age to engage intimately with a partner. This is mainly guided by the child protection laws. But religions, cultures norms, social constructs all have their opinions about the appropriate time for a teen to engage intimately. 

However, there are many other factors to consider when deciding whether or not this is the right time for your child to engage in sexual activity. For instance, while some children may willingly engage intimate relationships with their opposite gender friends, others are forced through sexual abuse. A survey conducted across seven countries by UNICEF (2019) show that in the African region sexual violence against children range from 25% to 38% for females and from 9% to 18% for males. 

The survey further shows that in 2010, about a third of females and 18% of males in Kenya experienced some form of sexual violence before they turned 18 while in 2019,  15.6% of females and 6.4% of males experienced sexual violence before age 18. Among those who experienced any childhood sexual violence, 18.4% of females experienced the first incident at age 13 or younger, 26.6% between age 14-15, and 54.9% between age 16-17 (GOK & UNICEF. 2019 Violence Against Children Survey). 

Do we still consider romantce and intimacy talks with our children as taboo today?

The cultural norms around parents discussing sexuality with their children vary widely across different societies. The reality is that in modern society, as a parent you have no choice but to educate your children on intimate relationships with a partner. It no longer matters what norms are in our own families. We know that a lot of people don't talk about romanctic or intimate relationships with their children, but we also know that many teenagers aren't getting accurate information on how to prevent pregnancy and STIs. The sad news is that this does not change the fact that children are engaging in romantic relationships even at an earlier age than we imagine. In some societies, it is common for parents to discuss romantic about relationships with their children as a part of a larger conversation about healthy relationships and family life. In other societies, however, parents may be more reluctant to have such conversations with their children. Overly, in our society, the norms around parents discussing intimate relationships with their children are changing.

In general, it is good practice to start having these conversations with your child when they are old enough to understand what you are saying and why. This will help you make sure that your child shares your values and beliefs about intimate relationships. If you are unsure about whether or not your child is ready for these discussions, talk to them about what they would like to know before starting the discussion.

Your child is going to first engage intimately with their lovers, It's not a question of if, but when?

It's important for you to discuss romantic intimacy with your children at an early age so that they understand what it is and how it works. The ideal time is when your child is old enough to understand what they've heard and make their own decisions about how they want to act in this area. They should be able to ask questions and ask for help when needed. It's also important for parents to set boundaries about what kinds of questions can be answered and when.

As a parent, it's important to know when your child might engage intimately with their lover. The average age of intimate engagement according to various research is 17 years old. But that doesn't mean that you should wait until then to start talking about romantic relationships with them. According to the psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud, children start identifying their sexuality at the of 7-8. Hence, it is recommended that parents begin discussing sexuality at age 7 or 8 years old.

First off, you should know that the age of intimate activity is not the same for everyone. Some people are active at a younger age than others, and some people never have intimate intercourse before marriage.

Therefore, you need to exercise patience and a non-judgmental attitude when initiating this topic with your children. Instead, it's important for you to understand your children's development milestones so you can make informed decisions about talking with them about intimate relationships with a partner; as well as protecting themselves before and after having an intercourse. If you have questions about how to talk with your child about this topic, we recommend finding an expert who can guide you through the process.

I think it's important to talk with your children about sexuality. We all start out as children, but some of us go through a stage where we don't understand everything perfectly yet. I believe that the first time you engage in an intercourse; you are a little more vulnerable than you might be after a while. You may not have had intercourse before, or have been in relationships with people who were older than you. It's also easy to get caught up in the moment and not really think about what you are doing. You'll need patience during this period because it can feel like there isn't anything you can do until your child reaches a certain age.

I think it's good to talk with your children about things like contraception, safe intercourse practices, and other things related to intimacy. This will make them more aware of their bodies and what they need in order for them to be healthy. I would also encourage my child to speak with me about anything that is bothering them or making them uncomfortable about intimacy and romantic relationships. I want my child to know that they can tell me anything and it will be okay!

Similarly, It's important to educate your children from an early age about their safety and healthy relationships, but it's also important to make sure you are communicating with them in a way that doesn't put them in danger or give them misinformation about things like STIs.

When your child is already in an serious romantic engagement,

If your child engages intimately before the age of 16, it's important for you to talk openly about what happened and how they feel about it. If they say they're happy or excited about the relationship, encourage them to discuss this with you so that they can make informed decisions going forward. If they don't want to talk at all, this is okay too—just let them know that if they ever need someone to talk to about this subject again, you'll be there for them.

Teenagers are often not aware of the risks they may put themselves in if they have intercourse. They may think that it's just something they do and they'll never get pregnant, or they won't get AIDS. But we know that this is not true. Teenagers should be educated about the dangers of intercourse and how to protect themselves before and after lovemaking.

And it's not just about intercourse—it's about how you talk to your kids about their sexuality. You want them to know how to protect themselves from STDs, unwanted pregnancy, and even HIV infection. You want them to know what they can do if they get in trouble for having intercourse before marriage. But most importantly, you want them to know that it's okay to feel uncomfortable and ashamed right now, but that there will be more information coming soon!

You might be thinking "But I don't have time for this!" or "I don't think they'll listen." Or maybe you're worried that if you start talking about these topics now, they'll grow up too fast and miss out on the experience of growing up with these issues… so let me tell you something: it's easier than ever before in our generation for teens to feel like there isn't enough time to process these things properly. Everything happens at lightning speed nowadays—we're all busy with work, school, travel… everything! And sometimes it feels like we don't have time for important things like this until they come haunting us.

In my opinion, the best way to approach this is to figure out what you believe your kids should know, and then make sure they know it. If you're not sure whether or not they should be lovemaking, consider waiting until they're older. But if you think they should be having intimate engagements sooner than later, then start teaching them about it!

It's important for parents to be open about their beliefs with their children—but it's also important for them to respect each other's boundaries (and their own).