Talking to your Child (ren) about the Hyped LGBTQ Debate

Dear parents, instead of worrying and praying that your children will remain immune and safe from the hyped exposure to LGBTQ debate in all our media, it is time to start a conversation. Television shows and movies have become more inclusive of diverse characters, politicians are advocating for greater recognition of same-sex relationships in law, and social media buzzes with news about celebrities coming out, or LGBT individuals challenging injustice. With so much discussion around this issue, parents need to be prepared to talk to their children openly and honestly about what’s happening in our culture today. This is an opportunity to discuss LGBTQ with your children to know how much they already know, what their thoughts and opinions are, and learn if they have concerns and fears they need addressed.

Given our traditions and cultures, sexuality debates between parents and their children has long been considered a ‘taboo’ or a hard topic to discuss. However, the current time and the media exposure have left us with no option but to face it head on. Talking to your kids about LGBT issues can be intimidating, but it doesn’t have to be. By equipping yourself with information about LGBTQ and having honest conversations with your child, you can create an environment that is safe and inclusive for everyone. By starting these conversations early, you will be better prepared to answer any questions they might have in the future.

Your children will often ask you questions that you will feel uncomfortable or unprepared to answer, such as questions about LGBT issues. To help you have these conversations with your children in an informative and non-judgmental way, it is important to first understand certain terms. Terms like sex assigned at birth, gender, gender identity, gender expression, lesbian, gay, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, transgender, gender non-conforming, and cisgender are key to having a good discussion with your child. And even the meaning of the colors in the LGBTQ flags. 

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay 

Understanding the differences between sex, gender, gender identity, gender expression and sexual orientation can seem complicated. For example, the acronym LGBTQ+ includes LGB for those who identify as lesbian, gay or bisexual regarding their sexual orientation; while T stands for transgender persons whose core self-understanding is that of a different gender than assigned at birth (or more broadly to refer to anyone with a differing sense of gender). Oftenly, this assignment is made by medical providers based on the biological anatomy present upon child's arrival into this world - male, female or intersex which covers any physical traits that don't fit either category.

Understanding the Differences between Sex, Gender, Gender Identity, Gender Expression, and Sexual Orientation

Sex: The classification of individuals as male, female, or intersex based on biological anatomy present at birth.

Gender: The set of societal expectations, attitudes, and behaviors associated with an individual's sex.

Gender identity: The personal sense of one's own gender, which may or may not align with the sex assigned at birth.

Gender expression: The outward manifestation of one's gender identity through clothing, mannerisms, and other behaviors.

Sexual orientation: A person's emotional and sexual attraction to others, typically categorized as lesbian, gay, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, or heterosexual.

Transgender: A person whose gender identity differs from their sex assigned at birth.

Gender non-conforming: A person who does not conform to traditional societal gender norms.

Cisgender: Those whose gender identity aligns with the sex assigned at birth.

Setting aside one’s personal opinions about certain topics can often open many avenues for meaningful conversations that involve respect, compassion, understanding and empathy for all individuals. The goal of these talks should ultimately be to create an atmosphere wherein children and young people are allowed to make decisions based on discourse rather than assumptions or pre-conceived notions from society at large.

Steps to Initiate a conversation about LGBTQ with your children

As a parent, your first priority should always be expressing love and acceptance towards your child regardless of their gender identity or sexual orientation. When discussing such an emotionally loaded topic as the LGBTQ debate with your children make sure you communicate understanding rather than criticism, by listening attentively to their point of view before making any statements yourself. Resist giving helpful advice (unless asked!) since they may reject opinions that don't agree strictly with theirs; simply being empathetic goes a long way each time you converse on this subject matter!

Firstly, educate yourself thoroughly before engaging your child in any such dialogues as every bit of knowledge is valuable during this conversation. Secondly, create a relaxed environment where there isn't fear associated with talking about LGBT issues; expressing contradictions does not necessarily refute the message you are trying to share – seek first to understand your own feelings prior to embarking on a chat with your child (ren). Thirdly, lean more towards affirmative language when bringing up gender identity related subjects by introducing questions such as “who brings you joy?” instead of statements like “you have always been boy/girl"- emphasizing acceptance over legitimizing heterosexuality being "the only way". And lastly, focus on building trust between both parties so that difficult discussions don't become sources behind potential conflicts, but connections leading both closer together as they converse.

IS there a specific time or age to start this conversation? How do I even start it?

Start early: Having open, age-appropriate discussions at an early age will leave the door open for further conversations as your child gets older. Use media, life experiences, and books or print media articles is a great way to start conversations. Give information based on your child’s developmental age.

Be honest: Answer questions truthfully, but keep in mind your child’s developmental age. Be honest if you don’t know the answer to a question. Encourage your child to continue asking questions.

Listen: This will help make sure you understand what your child is asking and what they already understand about the subject.

Pay attention to body language: Since you are also keen to understand your child’s orientation, picking body language cues is very important. Remember, you cannot ask directly to your child if they have ever practiced or been approached to join LGBTQ. Therefore, your keen attention to body language is your weapon.

Talking frankly and openly gives space (especially now) where once taboo matters may be treated respectfully without inferring judgement while allowing children to explore their beliefs without constricted expectations prescribed by societal norms - thereby nurturing growth within families across diversity quadrants.

It is important to remember that these conversations should be ongoing, and that you should be an open and nonjudgmental listener. If you’re ever unsure of how to answer a question, reach out to a trusted source for guidance. Try using books, television shows and life experiences to open up a dialogue and encourage your child to ask questions. Most importantly, remember that you may not ever feel completely prepared for this conversation but it’s key to relax and answer their questions honestly. Doing so will create an open and welcoming environment for your child and any LGBT people in their lives. For example:

At the pre-school age (3-5), children are at a stage of development can only understand simple, concrete answers. When answering questions from this age group, provide direct explanations and steer away from giving additional too much detail. For example, if asked why their friend has two moms, you might answer: "Families come in all shapes and sizes - some have a mom and dad; others may have one parent or same sex parents."

School-aged kids (ages 6-12)—they tend to be curious about themselves and how the world works—it's important to address their enquiries with honest information that is appropriate for their level of understanding. Thus when responding to queries concerning diversity among people's families ―such as having two dads instead of a dad plus mum－you could explain that types of family structures vary greatly across cultures.

As children transition into their teenage years (ages 13-18), may begin to witness classmates opening up about their gender identity and sexual orientation. Your teen might bring this conversation to you, hoping for your reaction as a parent. When these conversations arise, use the opportunity not only to get an understanding of what your child thinks or feels about LGBT people, but also to really listen without judgment and try to comprehend unfamiliar ideas if there are any. For instance, if your son or daughter expresses that one of his/her friends just came out as LBGT - try to stay open-minded and encouraging!

Rather than playing into partisan debates between both sides of the argument – which could put pressure onto your little ones leading them down paths neither party agrees upon - try focusing on topics where dialogue makes sense: emphasize family values while acknowledging differences amongst members peacefully, yet confidently using relevant language from current events featured across various outlets such as news reports or even music lyrics if applicable. This helps immensely when attempting natural conversations without humbling one's intentions no doubt about that! 

Once again remember why open communication has relevancy which is providing emotional support during tough times experienced equally alongside sensible doses of confidence, therein trusting whatever choice made would eventually bring happiness [if not so instantaneously].