Co-Parenting During Joint Custody Tips for Separated Parents.

Co-parenting after obtaining child custody or access can be a challenging and emotional process, but it is essential to ensure that your child feels loved, supported, and secure. Co-parenting can be beneficial for children, but creating new arrangements after a relationship breakdown can be challenging. There are various issues to consider, such as both parents wanting more time with the child, or one parent not wanting to see the child. Living arrangements and practical considerations also need to be addressed. In order to co-parent effectively, both parents need to make clear decisions, with a focus on what is best for the child, and be willing to compromise.

Source: Pinterest

What is Co-parenting?

Co-parenting refers to the practice of both parents playing an active role in their children's daily lives, except in cases where there are issues such as domestic violence or substance abuse. It is considered the best way to meet all of the children's needs and maintain close relationships with both parents. The quality of the relationship between co-parents can also significantly impact the mental and emotional well-being of children, and the incidence of anxiety and depression.

However, co-parenting can be challenging, particularly when there is a contentious relationship between ex-partners. Joint custody arrangements may be exhausting, infuriating, and stressful. Concerns about the ex-partner's parenting abilities, financial issues, conflicts, and resentments can make it challenging to make shared decisions, interact at drop-offs, or even speak to one another.

Despite these challenges, it is possible to develop a cordial working relationship with an ex-partner for the sake of the children's well-being. By remaining calm, consistent, and resolving conflicts, co-parents can make joint custody work and enable their kids to thrive.

These shared custody tips can help give your children the stability, security, and close relationships with both parents that they need.

Establish clear boundaries and expectations: You and your co-parent should agree on a parenting plan that outlines your roles and responsibilities, schedules, and expectations. This plan should be flexible enough to accommodate changes but firm enough to ensure that both parents are meeting their obligations.

Keep communication lines open: It is crucial to maintain open and honest communication with your co-parent. You should both make an effort to keep each other informed about your child's activities, health, and any issues that may arise.

Be respectful and civil: It is essential to be respectful and civil towards your co-parent, even if you don't get along. Avoid making negative or disparaging comments about each other in front of your child.

Put your child's needs first: Your child's well-being should always be the top priority. This means making decisions that are in your child's best interests, even if they may not be what you want.

Be flexible: Co-parenting requires flexibility and compromise. You and your co-parent should be willing to work together to find solutions that work for everyone, including your child.

Seek help if needed: If you are struggling with co-parenting, consider seeking help from a mediator, counselor, or therapist. They can provide you with tools and strategies to improve communication and resolve conflicts.

Remember, successful co-parenting requires time, effort, and a willingness to put your child's needs first. With patience, respect, and open communication, you can work together to provide your child with a happy, healthy, and supportive upbringing.

Developing Co-Parenting Plan

A co-parenting plan is a helpful way to establish care arrangements, parental responsibilities, and the new relationship between both parents and the child. The main goal of the plan should be to ensure the child has safe and healthy relationships with all parents. 

The plan should address several areas, including visitation schedules, education, finances, medical needs, holidays, and decision-making guidelines. It is also essential to have backup arrangements in case the child needs to stay home from childcare or school.

Once the co-parenting plan is established, it is important to agree on how to handle future changes or changes in circumstances. This can be discussed in person, via email or text message. The success of co-parenting requires both parents to keep an open mind and think about the child's feelings. With patience, flexibility, and a focus on the child's best interests, effective co-parenting can be achieved.

Tips for Successful Co-Parenting:

Be flexible: Being flexible with pick-up and drop-off times and adapting plans as your child grows can benefit everyone involved.

Accept different parenting styles: It's important to distinguish between your preferences and your child's needs and focus on the latter. Different parenting styles can help your child learn that different rules apply in different situations.

Help your child feel connected to their other parent: Encourage your child to stay in touch with their other parent, display family photos that include both parents, and be positive about what your child does with their other parent.

Keep your child's other parent up to date: Use shared online calendars or apps to keep each other up to date on your child's schedule, and ask your child's childcare service, preschool, or school to send records and newsletters to both parents.

Plan for tasks, activities, and events: Plan to go to activities together if you're on good terms, or separately if you're not. Give your child's other parent some time to learn about caring for children if they did not do so before the separation.

Be prepared for challenging feelings: When your child is with their other parent, it's normal to feel a sense of loss or loneliness. Plan to do something for yourself during this time and agree in advance on the kind of contact you'll have with your child.

Dealing with special celebrations: Be flexible and creative when working out parenting plans for special occasions, such as splitting the day in half or celebrating before or after the special day. Talk to your child in advance about the arrangements, and share information with the other parent about gifts to avoid doubling up.

Source:Pinterest

How to Make Co-Parenting Work

Co-parenting can be challenging, but it is essential for ensuring that your children's needs are met and that they maintain healthy relationships with both parents. Here are some tips for making co-parenting work:

Benefits for Your Children

Successful co-parenting can provide various benefits for children, including:

Feeling secure and confident in the love of both parents.

Adapting more easily to separation or divorce and new living situations.

Having better self-esteem, experiencing consistency in rules, discipline, and rewards across households.

Understanding problem-solving through the example of their parents working together.

Being exposed to a healthy example to follow that can help them build and maintain stronger relationships in the future.

Having better mental and emotional health, as conflict between co-parents can lead to issues such as depression, anxiety, or ADHD.

Co-Parenting Tip 1: Set Hurt and Anger Aside

To co-parent effectively, you must put aside any negative feelings you have towards your ex-spouse and focus on the well-being of your children. This may be challenging, but it is essential for the success of your co-parenting relationship.

Co-Parenting Tip 2: Separating Feelings from Behavior

Remember that your feelings do not have to dictate your behavior towards your ex-spouse. Instead, focus on what is best for your children.

Get your feelings out somewhere else: Venting to your child is not appropriate. Instead, seek a listening ear from friends, therapists, or even exercise.

Stay Kid-Focused: Remember that your child's best interests are at stake, and act with purpose and grace. If your anger feels overwhelming, looking at a photo of your child may help calm you down.

Co-Parenting Tip 3: Don't Put Your Children in the Middle

It is crucial to keep your relationship issues with your ex-spouse away from your children.

Never use kids as messengers: Communicate with your co-parent directly, and don't use your children to convey messages.

Keep your issues to yourself: Never speak negatively about your ex-spouse to your children or make them feel like they have to choose sides. Your child has a right to a relationship with their other parent that is free of your influence.

By following these tips, you can work cooperatively with your ex-spouse to create a successful co-parenting relationship that benefits your children's well-being.

BOTTOM LINE: Achieving effective parenting during a challenging and emotionally complex situation can be a depressing task, but it is achievable. Establishing clear boundaries, showing respect, maintaining open communication, and being consistent are some key factors that can assist in becoming a successful co-parent. 

Additionally, it is not necessary to maintain a friendship with your ex-partner to make co-parenting work.